Sometimes I wake up feeling like I’ve come back from far far away. I can’t explain the feeling, but it feels like my mom is close to me; not how he is close to me lying next to me in the bed. I can’t reach out and touch her. But it’s a familiar feeling; like the whisper of something I used to know. In these rare moments I feel that if I just tried hard enough I could go back in time and fix everything. I could be home again if I just try hard enough. The feeling is so strong that I can feel it. It pulls on me. And maybe that’s what she is trying to tell me. Just not in the way I’ve been imagining it. Maybe she’s telling me that I am home; if I just try hard enough to let myself be home. And in my case, trying hard means I need to stop trying so hard, I need to just let myself be here.

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